i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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