the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
