Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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