He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
