HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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