Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
