Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
