Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
