new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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