I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
