Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize