obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
