everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
