um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
