walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize