Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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