the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
