Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
