he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
