Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
