At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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