The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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