just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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