Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
