I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize