living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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