trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I looked at my own cervix.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
