I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
