I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
