hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
