His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
