There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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