He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
