kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
