Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
