my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Also, beer. Big fan.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
