we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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