she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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