i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Cover your peen. We're going out.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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