i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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