I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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