i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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