Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
