I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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