You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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