they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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