Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
