I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
