we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
