I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
