he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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