I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize