if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
