you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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