What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
