His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize