I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
