No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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