why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
