We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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