I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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