he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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