Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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