Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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