I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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