she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she smelled like a LAN party
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
