I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
